


Stop running, running away from me

by Zaneey



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, But it's only implied, M/M, SO, also tw : breakup, and nudity, and precursors!newt, at first i just wanted to do some kind of character analysis, but then it turned into something deeper with an actual p l o t, haha - Freeform, i love the concept of ghosting, idk how to tag so sorry, what's hapenning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 20:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15614238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaneey/pseuds/Zaneey
Summary: "Newt runs. Always has. Always will. Burning the candle at both end. Hermann watches him. He observes, notices, notes. He studies. Always has. Always will.""Newt is so different from him. And also very interesting. Newt is the unstoppable force while himself is the immovable object. They collided in the most brutal way, like two asteroids crashing into one another. They melted."Hermann knows he is ghosting right now but he doesn't know how to get out. He will. That's all he knows.





	Stop running, running away from me

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was simple at first... How did it end up like this ? It was only a 200 words fic, it was only a 200 words fic !  
> Also english is not mommy tongue and we had a problem with my beta and we don't know if that's the beta-ed version... XD So please don't cringe if my english is bad (I promise it's actually really acceptable!)

Newt runs.

Always has. 

Always will. 

Burning the candle at both ends. 

Hermann watches him. 

He observes, notices, notes.

He studies.

Always has. 

Always will. 

_Newt_ _grew_ _up_ _too_ _fast and_ _didn’t_ _at the_ _same_ _time._

_As a kid_ _too_ _clever_ _for_ _his_ _own_ _good,_ _he_ _was_ _bored_ _in class. Always_ _smarter_ _than_ _his_ _classmates_ _,_ _always_ _the best,_ _even_ _though_ _he_ _was_ _bored_ _to_ _death_ _. Always_ _told_ _by the_ _other_ _kids_ _that_ _he_ _was_ _freak and_ _that_ _nobody_ _could_ _be_ _that_ _clever_ _and_ _that_ _he_ _was_ _cheating_ _. He_ _believed_ _it_ _too_ _for a long time._

_Newt_ _was_ _an_ _untamable_ _child_ _, an_ _impetuous_ _genius_ _that_ _never_ _took_ _anytime_ _to_ _rest_ _, not sleeping_ _properly_ _until_ _his_ _six_ _years_ _old_ _,_ _always_ _finding_ _something_ _awesome_ _to_ _discover_ _or_ _some_ _deadly_ _stunt_ _to_ _try_ _. Not_ _even_ _his_ _parents,_ _his_ _teachers_ _, or_ _his_ _numerous_ _psychiatrists_ _managed_ _to_ _understand_ _what_ _folly_ _was_ _inhabiting_ _him_ _._   _Of course he's been diagnosed with ADHD, of course they said he was on the autistic spectrum or whatever shit they used to call that, but that never really_ explained.

_As a_ _still_ _too_ _clever_ _teenager,_ _he_ _actually_ _managed_ _to_ _tame_ _that_ _demanding_ _beast_ _inside_ _of_ _him_ _to put on a party_ _guy_ _persona._ _From_ _this_ _point, all of_ _his_ _social interactions_ _became_ _so_ _much_ _better_ _. He_ _was_ _popular_ _,_ _loved_ _,_ _still_ _jealoused_ _but_ _it_ _was_ _below_ _the point. He_ _had_ _girlfriends_ _,_ _boyfriends_ _, in-_ _between_ _friends_ _and_ _discovered_ _the_ _joys_ _and_ _sorrows_ _of love and_ _sex_ _,_ _too_ _._ _Then_ _biology_ _entered_ _his_ _life and_ _he_ knew _,_ _that_ _was_ _what_ _he_ _wanted_ _to do_ _with_ _his_ _life. And_ _with_ _that_ _,_ _he_ _truly_ _started_ _to live at full speed,_ _being_ _brilliant_ _as_ _always_ _._

_He_ _passed_ _his_ _six_ _PdDs_ _in_ _two_ _years_ _,_ _three_ _a_ _year_ _. The_ _hours_ _of_ _study_ _didn’t_ _keep_ _him_ _from_ _partying_ _, sleeping_ _two_ _hours_ _per night,_ _eating_ _shit tons of_ _junk_ _food_ _,_ _getting_ _drunk_ _dead_ _. Fucking and_ _getting_ _fucked_ _by_ _everyone_ _,_ _having_ _relationships_ _,_ _losing_ _relationships_ _,_ _losing_ _weight_ _,_ _gaining_ _weight_ _,_ _spreading_ _himself_ _too_ _thin_ _and_ _then_ _having_ _a one_ _week_ _mental breakdown_ _where_ _he'd_ _just_ _spend_ _his_ _time_ _crying_ _under_ _his_ _shower_ _,_ _watching_ _stupid_ _shows_ _laying_ _catatonically_ _on_ _his_ _couch,_ _losing_ _himself_ _in_ _sex_ _and_ _then_ _getting_ _better_ _and_ _going_ _back to_ _his_ _PhDs_ _._

_He_ _could've_ _take_ _his_ _time. He_ _really_ _could've_ _._ _Nobody_ _was_ _pushing_ _him_ _._ _His_ _parents_ _were_ _already_ _very_ _proud_ _of_ _him_ _and_ _his_ _multiple_ _partners_ _never_ _really_ _cared_ _for_ _anything_ _but how_ _great_ _he_ _was_ _in_ _bed_ _and how love_ _starved_ _he_ _was_ _,_ _granting_ _them_ _a power_ _they_ _often_ _shouldn't_ _have_ _had_ _._

_But the_ _thing_ _was_ _, Newt_ _liked_ _it_ _._ _Being_ _in a rush 24/7._ _Spreading_ _himself_ _too_ _thin_ _. Never_ _having_ _the time to_ _think_ _,_ _ponder_ _the_ _matter_ _of life or_ _his_ _motivations._ _Because_ _he_ _didn't_ _have the_ _answers_ _. And_ _he_ _needed_ _everything_ _but questions_ _without_ _answers_ _._

Hermann knows all of this, he saw it in the drift. He knows Newt almost as well as he knows himself. Sometimes he feels like he's been through everything Newt went through. He even happens to mix up his memories and Newt's. Hermann knows he is ghosting right now but he doesn't know how to get out. He will. That's all he knows. 

He doesn't know if it happens to Newt that often too. 

W _ith_ _the_ _kaiju_ _threat_ _, Newt_ _is_ _more_ _than_ _happy to_ _always_ _be_ _at_ _work_ _._

_The_ _war_ _makes_ _everyone_ _tense_ _and_ _easily_ _irritated_ _. Newt_ _finds_ _out_ _it's_ _a_ _delight_ _to_ _work_ _under_ _such_ _pressure. He has_ _such_ _an important job and_ _he_ _is_ _known_ _for_ _what_ _he_ _does_ _,_ _recognized_ _for_ _his_ _genius_ _,_ _even_ _if more_ _than_ _half_ _of the population -_ _okay_ _,_ _pretty_ _much_ _all of the population-_ _thinks_ _he's_ _crazy_ _._

_Sometimes_ _he_ _wonders_ _,_ _why_ _the_ _kaijus_ _? He_ _could've_ _just_ _chose to_ _be_ _obsessed_ _by_ _frogs_ _._

_But no._

_Too_ _boring_ _._ _Too_ _common_ _._

_And Newt_ _is_ _everything_ _but_ _common_ _._

_He_ _prefers_ _300_ _feet_ _tall_ _deadly_ _monsters_ _._

_Maybe_ _precisely_ _because_ _they_ _are_ _untamable_ _and_ _driven_ _beasts_ _,_ _too_ _._

_Nothing_ _could_ _stop_ _them_ _except_ _something_ _as_ _huge_ _, as_ _strong_ _and as_ _driven_ _as_ _them_ _._

_Newt_ _sees_ _the_ _similarities_ _between_ _the_ _kaijus_ _and_ _him_ _._ _Maybe_ _it's_ _why_ _he_ _is_ _obsessed_ _with_ _them_ _,_ _studying_ _them_ _restlessly_ _._ _Maybe_ _it's_ _self_ _centered_ _, but_ _he_ _somehow_ _managed_ _to_ _convince_ _himself_ _it's_ _for the_ _future of_ _humanity_ _._ _Maybe_ _he_ _hopes_ _to_ _understand_ _himself_ _better_ _by_ _studying_ _something_ _so_ _similar_ _?_

_It's_ _no use to_ _say_ _that_ _the_ _truth_ _disappoints_ _him_ _beyond_ _words_ _._

_They_ _are all clones._

_They_ _are_ _ingenious_ _and_ _cleverly_ _made, oh_ _so_ _cleverly_ _, but_ _they_ _are_ _nothing_ _like_ _him_ _._

_They_ _are all the_ _same_ _, not_ _some_ _original,_ _independent_ _and free spirit like_ _him_ _._

**_"Nothing_ ** **_is_ ** **_like me,_ ** **_apparently_ ** **_."_ **

**_"Is_ ** **_it_ ** **** **_okay_ ** **_?"_ **

**_"I_ ** **_guess_ ** **_."_ **

_His_ _new obsession_ _becomes_ _the_ _study_ _of_ _kaijus_ _fabrication in_ _order_ _to_ _understand_ _the_ _precursors_ _._

Hermann watches him. 

He observes, notices, notes.

He studies.

Always has. 

Always will. 

Hermann takes his time. 

Always has and always will. 

Newt is so different from him. And also very interesting.

Newt is the unstoppable force while himself is the immovable object. 

They collided in the most brutal way, like two asteroids crashing into one another.

They melted. 

Or did they reform themselves and start to orbit around each other ? 

He doesn't understand Newt. 

How does the man manage to never rest ? How does he hang on during war ? What's driving him ? Why the kaijus ? 

It's a mystery. 

An itching mystery, like something he wants so badly to scratch but can't. 

Newt is the most nerves testing person he's ever had the displeasure to meet. 

He is unbearable, unbelievable, brilliant and giving him murderous thoughts more than once a day. 

He lives by consuming himself in his work and Hermann knew since the first day that Newt was that kind of blue giant star person. 

Hermann isn't one to make metaphors, it is Newt's field, but sometimes, he couldn't prevent them to come naturally in his mind and usually, they fit perfectly. 

Newt is a blue giant star. 

One of the warmest. One of the biggest. One of the brightest. 

He is so warm with everyone -even with Hermann, on good days, but he knows the guy loves him and cares deeply- that it's sometimes confusing. (And above all, Newt was actually  _very_  warm. The first time Hermann touched his skin for more than a minute, he thought the man had a fever.)

He is so bright, so brilliant, such a smart mind, above everyone. Hermann doesn't have the words to describe how brilliant Newt is.

Of course he sees his flaws, but he is forced to admit that he's never seen someone as clever as Newt. It infuriates him sometimes, Newt feels  _everything_ , he knows exactly how to push Hermann's buttons and how to make him react. Hermann is numbers smart, logic smart. Newt is all convictions and emotions. And this is why he maybe is smarter than him (sometimes).

Newt takes such a huge place in his life. They do pretty much everything together. They work all day in the same lab, they eat together, sometimes sleep together during lab nights or when Newt crashes on his bed, demanding affection. He is like an enamoured octopus, he extends his tentacles around Hermann and everything that is linked to him, he is everywhere at the same time and before he could realise it, Newt took over Hermann's mind and heart. 

Sometimes his unconditional love is overwhelming and Hermann feels like choking. The fights that result of this feeling are the worst. 

What Hermann is scared of is that, Newt being a blue giant star, he will end the same way, consuming his energy faster than anyone and without any restraints. 

Hermann knows this day is not close, that the kaiju war is not over yet. Newt used to keep telling him that it wasn't over and wouldn't be anytime soon. 

 

Used to. 

It's been four years now. 

Hermann haven't seen Newt physically in almost a year. 

''Dreamin' again ?" said a slightly worried voice. 

He stretches out, turning in his bed to look at Newt. He is laying on his side, resting his head in his hand and looking at him with a sly smile. But Hermann can't see any warmth in his eyes. 

He convinces himself that this is just his insecurities talking. 

''Ghosting. It's fine, it happens all the time... Morning." he whispers sleepily, rolling to get closer to Newt and cuddle with him. 

It's not, though. It's absolutely  _terrifying_. But Newt is actually here with him for once and Hermann doesn't want to talk about his problems. 

''Yeah, well, kind of creepy actually. I woke up and you were just, like, staring at the ceiling eyes wide opened. I thought you were having a seizure or something."

Hermann chuckles softly and kisses Newt's forehead, tangling his naked arms and legs around him and it's Newt's turn to give a little chuckle. They stay like this for a moment. Hermann can feel his partner's eyelasheson the skin of his neck. He can feel his hot breath against his collarbone. He can feel his thumb circling between his shoulder blades and his knee between his legs.

And although Hermann feels all of this, he doesn't feel any warmth. 

After a moment, Newt untangles himself lazily. 

''Aight, I'm gonna go..."

''What ?" Hermann raises on his elbow, watching Newt sit on the edge of the bed and grab his underwear. ''But you only arrived yesterday morning !"

''Yeah but you know I'm working on a big project, Hermann." Newt answers standing with a shrug. "I mean, you know how it is, right ? Plus my boss is always on my back, I guess it's because she doesn't fully trusts me yet -and I understand, you know, it's a private society after all, I guess that's normal-."

Newt grabs his black shirt and starts to button it. 

''You are sure you don't want to stay for a bit longer ?"

"Yeah yeah I'm sure Hermann." mutters Newt, his head up to the ceiling as he buttons his collar. 

Hermann grabs the blanket and covers his lower body as he sits cross-legged. 

''Newt. It's been more than  _one_  fucking year since we've actually seen each other. I've been waiting to see you for what feels like ages and you just stay over for the night ?!"

As he spoke, Hermann stood up, wrapped in the blanket and holding it tightly. Newt stops, startled by the fact that Hermann just  _swore_  and looks at him silently then scratches the back of his head.

''Aaah... I'm sorry I didn't want to upset you. It's just that, I wish I could stay, you know ? But I just have so much work to do and I already had to fight to get one day off so yeah."

"You work and always your work. And you don't even want to talk about it !" hisses Hermann, throwing the blanket on the floor and catching his underwear that was abandoned on the end of the bed. 

"I can't, dude ! It's top-secret !" exclaims Newt, spreading his arms around as he explains. "It could be the revolution of our century ! I can't just tell anyone about it !" 

"But I'm  _not_  anyone, NEWTON !" yells Hermann. 

Newt swallows what he wanted to reply and stands there, his trousers in one hand, watching Hermann only in his underwear. They stay like this for a short time then Hermann mutters under his breath :

"This whole situation is ridiculous."

He sighs and grabs his trousers then proceeds to put them on in order to feel at least more decent. He approaches Newt and put a hand on his chest. 

"I'm sorry. You know that you can talk to me, Newt, right ? Whatever is happening, I can listen. You seem distant and I can tell you're not sleeping well. So how about we were honest with each other now ?"

"Talk to me about honesty when you hid to me for years that you still ghosted. I don't anymore, dude ! You should've told me !"

Hermann's mouth opens and closes. He is at loss of words. 

''And everything is just. Fine." he scowled through gritted teeth. "My job is just very intense but you know what ? It's super interesting, maybe more than staying with you and doing nothing but speculating about an other attack that won't happen ! Is the pill so hard to swallow, Hermann ? Is it too hard to understand that I'd rather work than stay here and cuddle with you all day, do boring couple things and all that stuff ?!"

Hermann can't do anything but watch. He doesn't recognize Newt. This is too harsh, too  _not_ _him_. 

Newt sighs and put on his trousers quickly. 

''Fuck you Hermann..." he whispers wearily. ''I tried you know ? But I just-" he sighs once more then grabs his jackets and shoes before heading towards the door. 

Hermann doesn't think and grabs his ex-partner's wrist. 

"Newton ! I-"

But he can't finish as Newt pushes him violently on the bed. 

'' _Don't_ -" he growls, eyes wide, then exhales slowly through his mouth. ''Don't. You're just hurting yourself."

Hermann is too shocked to do or say anything when Newt leaves. He stays like this for a moment then just falls flat on the bed and looks at the ceiling. After a minute, he covers his eyes with his arm and bites his lip. 

_Shit_.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo yeah, what ? I like angst.   
> What are your thoughts on this sad shit ?


End file.
